“ Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”Cheryl Strayed
Most people that know me have never seen my tattoo.
I don’t talk about it, and I’m not normally that into tattoos for myself. I admire them on others and am intrigued by the story they can tell. But mostly I find that the lifelong commitment is too much for me.
Except, with this.
As a way to honor a baby lost in miscarriage.
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In my last post, I shared about my three miscarriages, and how I got through the subsequent pregnancies. Today, I’d like to share what many that lose a baby need most. A way to honor and remember them.
How I Honored My Miscarriages
So…back to the tattoo.
After my second miscarriage, I was terrified that I would eventually forget my unborn children. That they would be lost in the passage of time and space.
And I needed something that would be with me always. So, after a lot of thought, I put two tiny footprints on my left thigh. I knew, regardless of where I was or who I would become, that when I was 80 I would still think of those babies.
It’s been 8 years since my first baby lost, and I do not in any way regret the tattoo. However, I realize now that I will never forget those babies. Forgetting them would be like forgetting my own name. They are a part of me. Of my story.
But a way of honoring them was what I needed. And in a way, I still need.
So if you are in need of the same thing here are…
7 Ways to Honor A Miscarriage
And I promise, only one of them includes inking your body! 🙂
1. BUY JEWELRY
Perhaps the easiest way to honor them and keep them close is through a necklace. For a while, I wore a pair of angel wings on a necklace along with the initials of my born children. It was very similar to the necklace below.
Furthermore, I know that you can also find them more personalized on Etsy.
2. GET A TATTOO
As I explained above, I personally needed something permanent after multiple miscarriages.
I chose baby footprints, but angel wings, a heart, or the child’s name are also great ideas.
3. NAME YOUR BABY
I chose not to name my babies, because it was just too hard. But I know other women that really needed it.
So a great way to honor a baby lost in miscarriage is to give them a good name. And if you didn’t know the gender? Give them a name you love that is gender-neutral or a family surname.
4. PLANT A TREE
Plant a tree in your yard or place one in your home in their name. Tie a beautiful ribbon around it if you’d like. Then, watch it grow.
In the featured image above, the plant in the background was given to the couple after their miscarriage.
Even years later, when you see that plant or tree, it will make you think of your baby. Find the tree HERE.
5. MAKE AN ORNAMENT
Create an ornament with sonogram photos or hospital bracelets that you can put on the tree for years to come.
Pinterest has lots of amazing baby ornament ideas and this would be a sweet reminder at Christmas of your baby.
6. CREATE A SHADOW BOX
Have a special spot for that baby in your home.
Make a shadow box with memorabilia and hang it on the wall where you can see it when you walk by or enter the room.
If this is too much work, simply have a small area in your home where you see something that reminds you to pause, reflect, and pray.
7. DONATE IN THEIR NAME
And finally, this one I am going to start doing myself. Find an organization that you believe in, or one specifically for babies. Then every year, donate some money in your baby’s name. Here are just a few that look perfect.
- March of Dimes
- Save The Children
- The North American Council on Adoptable Children
- The United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF)
- Newborns In Need
This website has a lot of great information about all of them.
While we can’t change our own baby’s future, we can still change the lives of countless others in their name.
Something To Think About
While the original purpose of my tattoo was for my unborn children, it now serves equally as a way to remind me how unbelievably blessed I am to have three healthy children.
There were many times along the journey when I doubted that was possible.
If you’ve had a miscarriage, how did you honor your baby lost in miscarriage? How did it help you emotionally?
If this topic is close to your heart, or you’d like to learn more, JOIN ME FOR A QUICK 4 PART EMAIL SERIES.
- Part 1: More of my story and lessons learned
- Part 2: Inspiring quotes to help you through loss
- Part 3: How to help others going through a miscarriage (whether you’ve been through one yourself or not)
- Part 4: Conclusion: Don’t hide your scars, whatever they may be
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- How To Survive Pregnancy After Miscarriage
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